Here's the simple answer for you: I'm tired of being treated like a doormat.
Now for the way I really feel, as my dear therapist puts it-
- Yeah, I am tired of being a puppy
- I am not your fricking slave
- Yeah, I did know I'm at a C level in school right now, and no I will not be 'making it up' because there is nothing to make up
- You want to know why I spend so much time in my room? I get blamed for everything otherwise
- Stop punishing me for things I have no control over
- Sorry I'm not your freaking perfect child like you want me to be #not sorry at all
- You know what? I'll say whatever the frick I please. Don't judge me because I want to identify with people I'd rather be around then you
- Stop forcing me to listen to you talk about all your problems and then say you don't care when I try to tell you mine
- Stop calling me an idiot, stupid, and dumb. Because I'm not
- Stop acting like you don't have a freaking opinion
- Quite yelling at me and my siblings because we didn't do one of the jobs you told us to do at the end of a long list
- 'Fake it until you make it' just plain out pisses me off
- Have you even thought about the fact that I don't want to go somewhere for a reason?
- No I'm not an apathetic teenager. I'm pissed off at you, not the world
- It's my room, stop taking my stuff away because my space that you don't have to see is more messy than you like it
- No I'm not doing my homework right now. I'm watching a movie because I just spent an hour doing an english essay on the theme of the stupid assigned book
- Stop comparing me to everyone else and you, I'm not them
- Stop giving me excuses for your mistakes when I'm not allowed to give you any
- If you don't respect me then why should I respect you
- I have anxiety because you yelled at me about everything when I was little
- Your the one who taught me to bottle up my feelings
- No I'm not talking to you because if I do I'll get in trouble
- Yeah, I am pissed off at you. For multiple reasons
Let me make this clear: these apply to multiple people, not just one person, though all three of them do most of these things.
One time I saw a quote on Pinterest that said, "Anger is just sad's body guard". In some instances I think that's true. However, most of these things could be avoided if people would do the thing everyone learned in kindergarten. Treat others the way you want to be treated. That means no yelling, forgiveness, acceptance of ones flaws, the ability to listen when someone else is struggling. That means never doing ANY of the things I listed above.
Now, some more ranting directly.
Dear Best Friend,
The reason I barely say anything is because when I do you just make fun of what I say or act like what I just asked you is the dumbest question in the world. I'm meaner around and to you because that's all you give me all day everyday. I feel like I can't talk to you about anything that actually matters because you've told me many times how much you don't care. You asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told you I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, just like you... I lied. I want to be a cultural anthropologist. I want to have kids, a husband who loves me, and the ability to speak my thoughts.
Every time I ask you for help on the math homework it isn't because I want you to call me stupid. It's because I need help. Every time I excitedly tell you I learned a new song on my guitar or finally busted a blood vessel playing drums, don't say 'That's nice', or 'Sorry, but I don't care'. I listen when your excited about your stories, and the new part for your car. Don't kill my joy when all I do is help yours grow.
Dear Parents,
All I've ever wanted from you was your approval, for you to be proud of me. Maybe sometimes I ask for things like a ride to the store or the occasional financial aid for something I can't afford. But I'm 16. You should have gotten that when you adopted me all those years ago. You asked for me, but I come with sacrifices and mistakes, heart breaks and any number of questions about things.
Have you ever noticed that the only time you tell me you love me is when you say, "I love you too B."? I did, and now I think about it every time I say it. Sometimes you don't say it back, and that hurts almost as much. I know you love me- but it would be good if you could remind me randomly, on a whim, instead of just saying it in reply like a reflex.
When you yell at me, look at my face, my posture. Do I ever look that way any other time? I need you to realize that I'm not just human, but A human. I exist. I breathe. I am alive just like you and I have emotions. Not only does yelling make the situation worse for both of us, but it kills little bits of me and our relationship. So stop.
To Be Continued
Dear Parents,
All I've ever wanted from you was your approval, for you to be proud of me. Maybe sometimes I ask for things like a ride to the store or the occasional financial aid for something I can't afford. But I'm 16. You should have gotten that when you adopted me all those years ago. You asked for me, but I come with sacrifices and mistakes, heart breaks and any number of questions about things.
Have you ever noticed that the only time you tell me you love me is when you say, "I love you too B."? I did, and now I think about it every time I say it. Sometimes you don't say it back, and that hurts almost as much. I know you love me- but it would be good if you could remind me randomly, on a whim, instead of just saying it in reply like a reflex.
When you yell at me, look at my face, my posture. Do I ever look that way any other time? I need you to realize that I'm not just human, but A human. I exist. I breathe. I am alive just like you and I have emotions. Not only does yelling make the situation worse for both of us, but it kills little bits of me and our relationship. So stop.
To Be Continued
